CHEAP PEOPLE

The ad:

Offer: Two Duracell "D" Size Batteries (Exp. MARCH 2011)

If your interested, reply with a few dates and times when you could pick them up. They will be located in Sheboygan Falls, but if Sheboygan is more convenient, then we could arrange a pickup in Sheboygan when I am there.

The reply:

I am very interested in these batteries. I need to know a few things first though. Are these the standard "D" batteries, or are they the "D-2" batteries? The D-2s are very rare, and you should not be giving them away if you really have them. I would be willing to pay good money for these batteries if they are D-2s, as I am missing this model from my collection. I must reiterate that if you're going to give these batteries away, you are out of your mind. Now, if they are not D-2s, then I must know the diameter and length of them. There are slight variations in D batteries. These variations can cause voltage deviations which might have negligible effects on most equipment, but on senstive spy microphones and cameras, it could be devastating. If they really are standard-issue D batteries, I would still be willing to pay cash for them, just not as much as the collector model. I look forward to your response.

Beer Bread

such a golden bell
please do tell
what it is
what it is that this great great biz
do do

'en so

'en so here i go,
waitin' for the everlasting
grow
of the human
fumin'
just hope it
ain't
doomin' me
an' you 2
'en so

'en so

'en so

'ey?

please read 'n'
heed
like you ought
'n' don't mistake yourself
for nought
'en so

'ey?

don't take
this too serious
you might get
too
delirious
with furious
and
curious things that tempt the soul
like a soft buttered roll
in yo' yummy tummy


THE END

Welcome to Delta

If you can find this place, I highly recommend EVERYTHING on the menu. Seriously. Not your average Northwoods Greasy Spoon. This place is the SHIZNIT! Except for those two gnarly guys in the one picture, they were trying to start fights with anyone. The only way I got them to pose for this pic was to promise them each a 6-pack of Schlitz and some Marlboro Reds. Of course I lied. I still sleep with Glock every night. I didn't find this place by accident, but if you don't know where it is, that's the only way you'll find it.

Western Longitudes

So what were YOU doing August 8th?

Summer Vacation '06

Henry Schoolcraft meets The Monkees on "The Enchanted Highway."

VOTE FOR ONE OF FIVE (from the Northern Latitudes)

Turkey Hunt '06 (better late than never)

Name That Brand

A-Musing

an' baby I wanna carry you
upside down on a flat pole rising
fell into the sky
got tears in my eye
when a voice like an angel
sweet as maple syrup
grabbed me like a horse
"Put your foot inside my stirrup
I'll be there to help you up."


- "Better Be Careful"
- The Rugburns





The song sounds like a love song, but also one of longing for love. As though the writer wishes to hook up with some dame, but is uncertain. "Cold feet," if you will. Mooning truckers, naked to the gods on a dirt road, this all sounds so young, idealistic, naive. Beautiful.

An Old Poem

Props to Superjfly for saving this poem. I wrote this a while ago after an unsuccessful deer hunting afternoon. It's one of my favorite poems of my own (without being a self-lover, man). Without further ado: (Untitled)
"four hours I bided my time while silent as a mime day turning to dusk as my corn i began to husk i heard a scream i almost did cream or was it a sneeze while thinking of BELIZE? i turned to my left there it stood with four hooves cleft i moved with deft drew a bead while it decreed it would not be shot by someone sniffling snot so it turned and it left without a goodbye...*SOB*"

Song Lyric Quote for 6/7/06

"Whatever happened to the values of humanityWhatever happened to the fairness in equalityInstead of spreading love we spreading animosityLack of understanding, leading us away from unityThat's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' underThat's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' downThere's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found." Please tell me what this means to you. Of course I have my own interpretations. I want to hear it from others. "Where is the Love" - The Black Eyed Peas

Fun in the Sun

So you know, I have not forsaken this medium, I have merely been busy with other things, such as golf, pool, TriplePlay, motorcycles (weather-permitting), tree-killing, Granny's chores and the like. It is not by any means the end of Eccentric Ed's Eclecticisms. As shadows lengthen, my time fills. Speaking of Granny, as long as I am thinking of it, this may be a good moment to rope her into my blog once again. I was speaking with her of some of the lesser known historical aspects of Sheboygan County (murders), brought on by the good-for-kindling Sheboygan Press, and we ended up delving into the "casino" arena. Did you know that at one time (1940s) there were six, yes SIX, "casinos" in Elkhart Lake alone? One of these "casinos" (I shall not disclose the location) actually had men with GUNS in a little "stoop" where they could watch for cheaters, or the law, or whatever, Granny didn't know. She just went there to visit once a year, as she and Grandpa and a couple of other couples went once a year to every casino just to visit. No drinks, no gambling, just "people watching." One of these "casinos," which shall remain nameless, as while it is not a casino today, it still exists, had slot machines in a certain room, which would be removed when the "casino" received their obligatory call (we shall not speculate from whom) informing them of an impending raid. These machines were removed from the building to an "other-than-casino" location. When Johnny arrived, he would go into the alleged "casino" and, of course, observe no evidence of such a business. Granny was never fond of these raids, as it made more work for her and the others working in another non-gambling part of the "casino," while the strong-armed workers among them would be heaving machines to beat the raid. I also learned about brothels in Plymouth. Obviously, Granny had MUCH LESS information about these, other than the fact that they were there. There was "The Tin Roof," "The Green -----" (she couldn't remember the third word), and at least three others that she could think of. While every schoolkid in Plymouth worth his milkmoney knows about the stripjoint in town, very few know there used to be brothels. I knew about one, but FIVE? I had no idea. I guess we had horny forefathers. What can I say? Well, that's it for this little update. There will be more to come, I assure you, I just cannot commit to a timetable. Summer can be a very busy time of year. Peace out.

Turkey Hunt

Turkey hunting, 'eh? (Lip-numbing Bloody Marys!)

Not For You (Don't Be Vain)

Do not take people for granted, for if they are like myself, they will see through that little charade. OK, maybe not, but others, unlike myself, will feel offended. I do not mind, though.

Can't we all just get along?

Do Not Fret, My Children...

Something soon this way comes...

Finger Blaster

An experience in which everyone should partake.

Wisdom From "The Roadhouse"

"A good friend will come bail you out of jail...
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying 'Damn that was fun!'"

"Please do not throw your cigarette butts in the urinal, as they get soggy and very hard to light."

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Have a nice freakin' night, alright? Don't ask questions, just be freakin' happy! Because your happiness can osmosize to someone else, you know. PAY IT FRICKIN' FORWARD ONCE, DAMNIT! And don't question my words or phrases because I ONLY speak the truth! If you can't find it in Webster or Oxford, ask me. I'll tell you anything you need to know. But learn not to disagree with the truisms I speak of! One day you shall learn the error of your ways. Please stop forcing me to yell at you. My throat goes raw. Good night.

Picture

truck dances
with the dotted line
pony prances
past the sign
if
you're going to biff
do it with style
like the truck de Lyle
rotating earth
does so with mirth
don't be a wimp
live with that gimp
it's all pasties
and lillies now
and Wasties and
chrome tangled up
in bleu
do not you
give in to the rue
that holds all
back
yes it is true
and that's it for this one
i've gone and done
it now
tried making a poem
that doesn't really rhyme
goodnightnowreaders
this writ does not describe real events
any similarities to real situations
are purely coincidental

Shameless (and I mean shameless - no shame here) plug:
Electronics and accessories from www.jwswholesale.com -- for "Ed's" readers, use "thinkaboutit" at checkout for 15% off.

Not A Stupid Verbality

Mmmm, Beer...

West Virginia Power!

WHAT THIS BLOG IS ALL ABOUT - NOW LISTEN UP!

This blog is NOT about scantily clad women. This blog is NOT about pleasing others. This blog IS about ME. And ONLY ME! The so-called "scantily clad woman" which was depicted several posts back was NOT there to please OR displease others, it was put there by myself for the ONE AND ONLY reason that her name was (is) Yen. Got it? See how it ties in with the Fortune Cookie I opened earlier this winter and saved because I believe it's a great way to look at life? I suppose MAYBE it's my fault that everyone seemed to misunderstand the purpose of the picture because I didn't SPECIFICALLY state the reason for the woman. And the ONE AND ONLY reason I took that picture down is because it was compromising the integrity of my blog, and I do not wish to attract that element of blogheads, who go to blogs for their cheap jollies. Hence, the cherries. I guess if someone here gets a kick out of looking at cherries, I'm SOL. That's a chance I'm willing to take. This blog is about giving me a long-lost outlet for my long-gone creativity. That creativity has pretty much disappeared over the years, as far as writing goes, but I can always try to get it back. It'll never be like it was in the 90s, but then what is? Not even Vanilla Ice sings as melodiously as he used to. If you have a problem with this blog, let me know. Not that it will do any good, because it won't. *whip* *whip* *whip* Now that I'm done pistol-whipping you, go to bed. GOODNIGHTNOWREADERSEVENTHEREADERSIDISAGREEWITH!

This post is not as good as I was hoping it would turn out, but what can you expect in 5 minutes? I've got to go wax someone at a game of pool.

In the spirit of "Pay It Forward"

Negativity begets negativity.



Sometimes you can be negative, just don't be A negative. For real. When a man is a negative, those around him take on some of that negativity. Don't confuse BEING with being A. Now go away.

Lyrical Existentialism

You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.

While I would love to give props to my peeps where props is due, I can't for the life of me think of the song or artist that put this prose to melody. I have confidence you'll get over it, though. Existentialism abounds.

!Town of Russell Disobeys Prohibition!

So, this afternoon, I was reading a couple of sections of the Chicago Herald and Examiner from 1931 that a friend brought over. He found it mixed with insulation while working in an old house. In amongst the "news" articles from the day was a reference to four bootleggers who were raided in Illinois. This got me to questioning my grandma (84 years old) about the subject of prohibition. I asked her if she remembered it, and yes, she did. She said she was young during those black days ("black days" being my opinion, not hers), not even in high school yet. I then asked if anyone she knew of back then, such as my great grandparents in particular, imbibed. She said no, but there was a still near their farm. For anyone who may not be versed in "illegal moonshine" jargon, a still is what a person would use to make moonshine. Mmm, tasty! She grew up in the Town of Russell. This still was probably about a mile or so from their farm, near the Sheboygan Marsh. I know exactly where she described, but to avoid droves of my eager readers here descending on the property, I will not divulge the exact location. She never saw the traffic, but heard that the neighbors closer to this still would see cars arriving late at night to make deliveries and pick-ups. The still was eventually raided. Grandma says that her parents would never have told her about such a thing, but she read about it on the front page of the paper. Apparently it was pretty big news. Anyway, after the still was raided, the neighboring farmers were allowed to come to the still and divy up the legal components of the moonshine. She says that her family got sugar from this event, and something else, that she can't remember. I would never have guessed that in little ol' Sheboygan County something such as this could have occurred, fine upstanding citizens that we all are. I was also informed that, contrary to what my uncle once said, my great-grandpa never spent a night in the "huscow" for runnin' moonshine. That was just another fanciful tale. Maybe that's where I get it. Well, I've got to end here, I've got an appointment to explore my Chinese ancestry. GOODNIGHTNOWREADERS!

Fortune Cookie

There comes a time in a man's life when a yen is only Japanese money.

Say Something Funny (by Isaac)

Food For Thought...

I know this may come as a shock to many people, but I occasionally have a different perspective than others on mundane things. Take, for instance, space. This is something I have ALWAYS wondered about, not usually vocalizing such a radical theory. But what if I was the only REAL person in the universe? What if everything else existed merely to fulfill my every whim and desire? Similar to the old "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?" adage. Well, what if I was the only real being that existed, and everything else came about as a result of my existence? For example, if I decided not to go to a certain bar on a certain night, would that bar still exist? Certainly you would think people would be at that bar, but what if they aren't? What if you're just there to satisfy me? Of course, if I'd go to that bar another time, there would be a whole entire history present at the bar to account for its existence when I wasn't there, but was it really ever there? What if I'm walking on an invisible round sphere, and I never move anywhere, but everything else just sort of materializes as I move my legs, to make it seem like I'm moving. How would a person know the difference? Maybe as you're reading this, it's really just to make my existence seem more real. Sure, you could read this, not comment, and I would never know you read it. But what if I run into you someday in the future, and the subject of this blog comes up? Then you might realize you were really just there to please me. So maybe I really AM the center of the universe. Of course, one could not give consideration to this possibility without also giving credence to the possibility that I'm just here to make someone else's life more meaningful. Maybe all these experiences, all these memories are just someone else's imagination, or dream. How are we to know? I'm not questioning the existence of an omniscient persona, but how do we know the motive of such a presence? Aiight, this is getting MUCH too deep here, time to wrap up. Peace out.

Someone Else's Bike

In lieu of pictures of my own motorcycle(s), I shall post this beauty until such time that one of my own pics is available. With no digital camera at present, I'd have to scan and download my pics on another computer, and I haven't yet taken the time to do just that.

An Acceptable Mantra

An honest man's pillow is his peace of mind.

P.S. - Don't look too deeply into my eyes...You'll go sane.

The Purpose of Air

This contemplative essay was written by myself earlier this winter. I have published it here by popular demand. If you work for "New England Journal of Medicine," for the last time, you may NOT publish this work. It's far too advanced for your readership. And I'm tired of dumbing EVERYTHING down for you people!


Many have asked me over the years, "Oh most gracious and all-knowing Sir, what is the purpose of air?" Well, my children, I shall share with you the electrifying reasons for this tenacious, unseen matter being ingested into our bodies each and every day.

First and last, air provides us with the ability to...

*EDIT*

...Hence, this is also the purpose of air.

Yes, YOU!

So, I'm thinking that this car can DETINITELY take any old common Mitsubishi 3000 GT VR4, 'eh? Especially in the corners, dude. I mean, this thing rides like it's on RAILS. If I owned a Mitsubishi 3000 GT VR4, I would be quaking in my velcro tennies at the mere sight of this behemoth. This car never even wasted time with the extra weight of white paint, man. It may be old, but it's SCHOOL. I hear there's a sale on diapers at Sam's Club, you should go buy some more so you can change yourself whenever you think of this incredible car. Now go clean your silly little self up, that's GOT to be uncomfortable.

Less Thinkin', More Readin'!

Welcome to my head, people. The old synapses have been working overtime, almost harking back to the nineties. I can't always guarantee it's quality overtime, you might not enjoy it, but know this: I'm having fun, and that's all that matters, man. Because it's like my good buddy Roger always used to say, "The chicken was first, damnit!" If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand. Quit wasting your time, go throw Neil Diamond in the 8-track, record, or CD player of your choice, and prepare to be overcome with disappointment.