Hmm, interesting.  I haven't posted here in over 5 years.  Surprisingly, a lot has happened in those five years.  So much is different, so much is the same.  I bought a house.  I fell in love.  Love fell out of me.  Now I continue to be single, but a homeowner.  But I still LOVE Southern Comfort.  Some things never change.  My last love may have ruined a whole genre of music for me, but she left me a song or two.  Here is one.

One that's not ruined

The Tedious Homegenous Chameleon-esque Wonderboy

The aforementioned Tedious Homegenous Chameleon-esque Wonderboy was a child of many tics. I. Perhaps it was the tediously long name. Neither. Or maybe the homegenous family of interracial intersexual international siblings. Know. But really, it was probably the Chameleon-esque nature of his hands that caused the tic affliction. Nor. Without seeing his own hands, how was he to know if they were clean, requiring the constant and painful bleaching? Care. Which of course led to the tattoos. So. Who can blame the poor child? Bugger. I, for one, cannot, shall not. Off. Lest we forget the shattered self, for without flesh how can one soul feel complete? Already. Acid may burn away the skin, but not the zeitgeist, of the wretch. Imagine. And a wretch he is, who will infuriate, insinuate, meditate on such matters as he so does. The. Sense is not to be made. Piano. Sense is to be tolerated. Man. Nothing more. Gin. Nothing less. Beep.

Mark Your Calendar

UFO DAZE

July 21, 2007

at Benson's Hideaway

Dundee, WI

For unknown reasons, people who show up for this day of speakers, followed by a night Skywatch, often report seeing UFOs. I have been to these annual events in the past and have seen what others have seen, and I have no explanation that I care to share at this juncture. Check out this flyer from The Light Side: http://www.thelightside.org/ufodaze/UFO_Daze_2007.pdf

I encourage you to attend with an open mind, it's a fun time. Also check out The Light Side's site for a unique perspective. http://www.thelightside.org/

One Quote

from The German:

"Don't believe the little beings when they tell you they are not implanting a chip in your head cause they really are."

Materials Needed To Free "The Juice"

This list was originally compiled by rED baron in the early/mid nineties at the height of the OJ Simpson fiasco, with the assistance of another, whom I shall refer to only as "The German." When The German and I first wrote this we had no inkling that someday it might be resurrected in the ethers of the internet. But, owing to my lack of creativity this evening, only somewhat due to a lack of alcohol consumption, and a feeling for nostalgia as I comb through old folders of fodder, I am going to reprint it here. I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed writing it back in "the day." Do indeed feel lucky, as you most certainly are. The German and I thank you for reading our dribble.

1. Cake with hacksaw and file in it
2. Loaf of bread with dynamite in it to blow hole in wall
3. Mask of Bill and Hill and Chelsea Clinton as disguise to get to OJ
4. Rubber gloves to keep guards' blood off hands
5. Better hiding place than last time for rubber gloves
6. Windex to get blood off Bronco
7. Steal Bronco back (URGENT: MUST do FIRST!)
8. Protective suit to protect OJ from flying shrapnel
9. Ointment for quicker healing of lashes suffered from dead guards
10. Costume of Socks the Cat (Clinton's cat) for OJ as disguise to get out
11. Sarin-filled blimp hovering over city
12. Slingshot and knife OJ used to pop blimp, releasing deadly gas everywhere
13. Gas masks to protect us, the heroes
14. Old beat-up barn in Parnell, WI to use as OJ's new home

Southern Fried Haiku

T-bone always a
Tasty treat in my little
Tummy u byaatch

Chicken from General Tso
The tastiest shit
You can shit back out

Strawberries and cream
Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum
Easiest haiku
(ever)

Brewers rock central
Rambo rox might tee bourbon
Along for the ride

Ponder it

The Promise

...and furthermore, when I am elected Mayor, there will henceforth be no home without a Nacho Cheese Dispenser! No business will be without a Nacho Cheese Dispenser! No SHOP will be without a Nacho Cheese Dispenser! This means the shops in your garages and basements too! For no citizen of this town should ever go through what I have gone through for most of my life. I was fortunate in that I had a friend who had a mother with a Nacho Cheese Dispenser. She would get it out for parties if everyone behaved and brought sufficient animal sacrifices. Only THEN would she open the lid on that wondrous can of bulk Nacho Cheese and pour the spectral GOO into the ORACLE. It really wasn't Nacho Cheese until it was in the warming dispenser. That's when it became Delphian. I was lucky. Many are not. And so it is with this promise to you I bare my soul for you to judge its worthiness to be your Mayor: A NACHO CHEESE DISPENSER IN EVERY HOME, BUSINESS AND SHOP!

Yes,

Laziness is abundant as of late.

Druggies

LIVE

CHEAP PEOPLE

The ad:

Offer: Two Duracell "D" Size Batteries (Exp. MARCH 2011)

If your interested, reply with a few dates and times when you could pick them up. They will be located in Sheboygan Falls, but if Sheboygan is more convenient, then we could arrange a pickup in Sheboygan when I am there.

The reply:

I am very interested in these batteries. I need to know a few things first though. Are these the standard "D" batteries, or are they the "D-2" batteries? The D-2s are very rare, and you should not be giving them away if you really have them. I would be willing to pay good money for these batteries if they are D-2s, as I am missing this model from my collection. I must reiterate that if you're going to give these batteries away, you are out of your mind. Now, if they are not D-2s, then I must know the diameter and length of them. There are slight variations in D batteries. These variations can cause voltage deviations which might have negligible effects on most equipment, but on senstive spy microphones and cameras, it could be devastating. If they really are standard-issue D batteries, I would still be willing to pay cash for them, just not as much as the collector model. I look forward to your response.

Beer Bread

such a golden bell
please do tell
what it is
what it is that this great great biz
do do

'en so

'en so here i go,
waitin' for the everlasting
grow
of the human
fumin'
just hope it
ain't
doomin' me
an' you 2
'en so

'en so

'en so

'ey?

please read 'n'
heed
like you ought
'n' don't mistake yourself
for nought
'en so

'ey?

don't take
this too serious
you might get
too
delirious
with furious
and
curious things that tempt the soul
like a soft buttered roll
in yo' yummy tummy


THE END

Welcome to Delta

If you can find this place, I highly recommend EVERYTHING on the menu. Seriously. Not your average Northwoods Greasy Spoon. This place is the SHIZNIT! Except for those two gnarly guys in the one picture, they were trying to start fights with anyone. The only way I got them to pose for this pic was to promise them each a 6-pack of Schlitz and some Marlboro Reds. Of course I lied. I still sleep with Glock every night. I didn't find this place by accident, but if you don't know where it is, that's the only way you'll find it.

Western Longitudes

So what were YOU doing August 8th?