One Quote

from The German:

"Don't believe the little beings when they tell you they are not implanting a chip in your head cause they really are."

Materials Needed To Free "The Juice"

This list was originally compiled by rED baron in the early/mid nineties at the height of the OJ Simpson fiasco, with the assistance of another, whom I shall refer to only as "The German." When The German and I first wrote this we had no inkling that someday it might be resurrected in the ethers of the internet. But, owing to my lack of creativity this evening, only somewhat due to a lack of alcohol consumption, and a feeling for nostalgia as I comb through old folders of fodder, I am going to reprint it here. I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed writing it back in "the day." Do indeed feel lucky, as you most certainly are. The German and I thank you for reading our dribble.

1. Cake with hacksaw and file in it
2. Loaf of bread with dynamite in it to blow hole in wall
3. Mask of Bill and Hill and Chelsea Clinton as disguise to get to OJ
4. Rubber gloves to keep guards' blood off hands
5. Better hiding place than last time for rubber gloves
6. Windex to get blood off Bronco
7. Steal Bronco back (URGENT: MUST do FIRST!)
8. Protective suit to protect OJ from flying shrapnel
9. Ointment for quicker healing of lashes suffered from dead guards
10. Costume of Socks the Cat (Clinton's cat) for OJ as disguise to get out
11. Sarin-filled blimp hovering over city
12. Slingshot and knife OJ used to pop blimp, releasing deadly gas everywhere
13. Gas masks to protect us, the heroes
14. Old beat-up barn in Parnell, WI to use as OJ's new home

Southern Fried Haiku

T-bone always a
Tasty treat in my little
Tummy u byaatch

Chicken from General Tso
The tastiest shit
You can shit back out

Strawberries and cream
Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum
Easiest haiku
(ever)

Brewers rock central
Rambo rox might tee bourbon
Along for the ride

Ponder it